Monday slash Tuesday: Fuck moderation- treating oneself with handmade New Zealand chocolate because who could be more deserving slash shut up stupid pancreas.

No one really says this out loud.

But one of the most unquestionably awesome things about losing a lot of weight is setting aside your tiresome, abstemious sanctimony for a day and oinking loudly as you roll off the wagon into a great big pile of artisanal chocolate. 

Knowing you're not going to wake up fat* the next day.

Just sayin.

* It takes 7000 extra calories to create 1 kilo of onboard lard.  This is nowhere near that amount.  Edumacation- never a waste.

Chilling at home as midwinter rolls around needs a little something to take the stabby edge off.  I'm a veteran chocolate whore with surprisingly high standards and a few years of professional tasting under my belt so all this was inevitable.  In my commentaries about weight loss I discuss why you shouldn't expose yourself to binge cues, but let's just stuff a rag in that shit's mouth for a moment and rip the postbags off the goodies my onboard Satan ordered online.  First up- a few small-scale delights from Shoc Chocolate including these gorgeous marzipan fruits.  

Look at these little faux fruits- so cute.  And so dead now.  

This is their only memorial.

Marzipan- a lot of people shift uncomfortably when you discuss it but I urge you to expose yourself to the good stuff.

I picked up a block of their (Shoc) white (judge me all you like) + cardamon.  See it below left.  Pretty good; smooth, quality fats, nice mouth feel- not at all waxy, excellent ratio of chocolate to spice and the fragrant pounded pod bits were exactly the right size.  We were a little less enthusiastic about the dark chocolate-robed apricots; you need really great fruit to support this simple treatment and the quality was mmm... not quite there.  We ate them, alright, but they were a 6/10 sort of thing.

Moving right along to Patagonia Chocolates.  Ran into a little bit of ordering drama as they were revamping their site but they were very nice and comped me a truffle.  That's all it really takes to secure my eternal loyalty.  

Embarrassing, isn't it?

 < I got the make your own choice of slabs box and a random selection of truffles.

R loves dark and I have broad tastes, so it was great to be able to compose our own mix.  His standout: Dark+candied peel. Mine- white+fig.  8.5/10

One of the best ways to really put an unfamiliar food purveyor to the test is to order something you wouldn't normally choose, and in accordance with that principle I picked out both a boysenberry and a passionfruit truffle.  Fruit truffles are something I steer clear of because the ancient trauma of Cadbury Strawberry Roses is a scar that never heals.  Am I right, fellow Commonwealthians?

In my extensive experience they're often full of inexpensive gack no matter how high-end you go. 

Whatever Patagonia puts in their truffles sneaked past my Cerberus tongue and pleased the rest of me greatly.  They were so utterly delicious that I forgot to photograph their innards so... I don't know... just imagine someone else biting into a fucking delicious handmade chocolate right in front of you and really enjoying it without offering you any.

I also judge a chocolate house on its caramel.  

So rude.  Another 8.5/10 moment.

No decent caramel = no dice.  The Patagonia Caramel Peak was crammed with silky old-school condensed milk home-made-type goodness.  Like tonguing a sylph.  A sylph who's been stuffed full of sugar and suspended over a gas burner for some time.

I swiftly became one with that Caramel Peak and regret only the impulse-control that limited my order to a solitary example.

A solid 9/10.

So to summarise; no one died and New Zealand chocolate is in good health.

(I buy all my own review items @ full retail and have no association with any of the suppliers mentioned.
This is more gratuitous oversharing than a review anyway lol.)

This week I think the Lovely R is writing something about photography on a budget; which gear and why, where to start etc.  He knows what he's talking about and he's cheaper than a cold pie so I'll just let him get on with it.

*  Reading the latest Book serialisations but missed the start?  Read it onsite here   *   Photoessays  *
*   Kitchen Bitch- easy home cooking   *   Selected Ravings- I never shut up, ever   *

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