< Exhibit A: What that fartsnuffling nutsack wrote on that there placard. The prosecution rests.
Since that was pretty much the entire conservative judicial pitch, I'm not 100% shocked to see gay marriage made legal in the US at this juncture. Hearty congratulations to all my geys Stateside. I get excited for the people who now have access to the legal entitlements they were denied for so long on such ludicrous fucking grounds, but just can't get excited about the institution per se, and say that as someone legally married for 20 years. Because, at least notionally, it's a shitty institution originally designed to control our sexual conduct and publicly identify and punish dissenters.
It's easy enough to take a dump on marriage from the inside, though. As part of my hetero privilege and like many opponents of gay marriage, I've been able to take advantage of that shitty institution, enjoying all the legal protections and entitlement it offers whilst conducting my personal life in a way that would have gotten me burnt at the fucking stake a few generations back. My partner is strictly monogamous and ridiculously heterosexual (I say that lovingly); I am neither, but fundamentally that doesn't matter because we game that system and are protected from both the State and each other's bullshit by a universal contractual framework. That must and should always have applied to every grown up interested in partaking of fiduciary/procedural bondage (not as exciting as it sounds).
What is marriage in these interesting times? Obviously not the life sentence for shit decision-making that it once was. And I can tell you that for the child-free, it's even more of an airy hypothetical bag of WTF. I don't wear a wedding ring, don't refer to R as my husband (I hate that word), neither of us wish to procreate and are deeply opposed to any attempt to formally characterise 'proper relations' between consenting adults of any flavour. In short, we chucked all the poisonous cruft devised by religious authority that have choked direct relations between beloveds for 3000 years and took the neolithic option, which is ironically seen as the height of annoying hipster modernity today. It's not perfect, but we are happy in our regime; an it harm none, etc. etc.
Since that was pretty much the entire conservative judicial pitch, I'm not 100% shocked to see gay marriage made legal in the US at this juncture. Hearty congratulations to all my geys Stateside. I get excited for the people who now have access to the legal entitlements they were denied for so long on such ludicrous fucking grounds, but just can't get excited about the institution per se, and say that as someone legally married for 20 years. Because, at least notionally, it's a shitty institution originally designed to control our sexual conduct and publicly identify and punish dissenters.
It's easy enough to take a dump on marriage from the inside, though. As part of my hetero privilege and like many opponents of gay marriage, I've been able to take advantage of that shitty institution, enjoying all the legal protections and entitlement it offers whilst conducting my personal life in a way that would have gotten me burnt at the fucking stake a few generations back. My partner is strictly monogamous and ridiculously heterosexual (I say that lovingly); I am neither, but fundamentally that doesn't matter because we game that system and are protected from both the State and each other's bullshit by a universal contractual framework. That must and should always have applied to every grown up interested in partaking of fiduciary/procedural bondage (not as exciting as it sounds).
What is marriage in these interesting times? Obviously not the life sentence for shit decision-making that it once was. And I can tell you that for the child-free, it's even more of an airy hypothetical bag of WTF. I don't wear a wedding ring, don't refer to R as my husband (I hate that word), neither of us wish to procreate and are deeply opposed to any attempt to formally characterise 'proper relations' between consenting adults of any flavour. In short, we chucked all the poisonous cruft devised by religious authority that have choked direct relations between beloveds for 3000 years and took the neolithic option, which is ironically seen as the height of annoying hipster modernity today. It's not perfect, but we are happy in our regime; an it harm none, etc. etc.
Marriage is a contract, obviously. I understand a little of why many in a community so traditionally reviled by the conservative proprietors of marriage are keen to participate in that institution. Official, actual marriage in the legal sense does just one thing well- providing a grown-up, mutually-agreed playing field full of benefits and responsibilities that go beyond how you feel about your partner on that particular day (just keeping it real). In writing, for you and everyone else to see. If you're struggling with the judgement and dismissals of a hostile establishment, that is no small distinction.
R and I have always been conspicuous weirdos and getting actually married flipped off a lot of haters (declared and undeclared) and afforded us the safety of each others' primacy in the event of disaster. (Think about sorting that shit out if you haven't already, btw.) That's probably what has always outraged us most about the denial of marriage to nonhetero unions; when you're viewed as a threat to the normative, the need to choose your next of kin and secure your material assets in a manner recognised by the State is super fucking real.
Another good thing about marriage is the restraint it imposes on your otherwise fickle, trifling, flip-flopping arse. Sometimes we need sanctions and boundaries. I think it was Paul Newman who admitted the only real reason he and Joanne were still married was that they'd never fallen out of love with one another at the same time, and that is the unvarnished truth, friends. Perversity is always with us and while I wouldn't be without it, strictly speaking, I'm happier when it has to fight with something else to take the wheel. When you're trapped in the hell of a viable, comfortable marriage, you are not physically able to just chuck it all away on one of your retarded whims without perceivable consequence. That piece of paper can save you from your stupid, slutty self a hundred times over and you'll never even think to thank it.
A piece of paper won't change your personal realities, obviously. Marriage is the icing, not the cake, and nowhere near transformational enough to make your bushpig fiancé anything more than your bushpig spouse, plus hangover and carb bloat. But in a positive relationship, from our experience, formalisation can be a forthright and worthwhile reflection of your private love. My objections to it are probably specious and definitely hypocritical. In my time as an adult I've hated virtually everything about myself and life, from time to time and to one extent or another. I've hated existing. I've hated members of my family, the sound of my voice, my own darn face, but I've never hated my marriage- not even close- and that is really, really saying something. While I detest the historical baggage still skidding along the ground behind the institution as it rolls onward, I'll admit to enjoying its morning wood under a feather duvet in the middle of winter. So don't let me put you off. Personally, our continuing commitment to each other in the face of all external aggression, every last one of our personal fuck-ups and shortcomings (and they are legion), is our proudest achievement as adults. Even if it ended next week, nothing would diminish that value.
That shit's always been rainbow-flavoured and if you don't like that, take it up with demonstrable reality and the time-space continuum. I hope everyone choking on the thought of gay marriage can move on to be just as or even more outraged by things that you, know... cause harm. But then I think about the complaisant tone of that sentiment beside all the shit brought down by homophobes and fundies through the years and ask myself why liberals have to be so bloody mature and conciliatory all the time, like we're on probation. We're winning at this game now. So fuck those retrograde shitbags right in the arse. Cue the Jaxx.
I swear that thigh gap is somehow making the world a safer place by absorbing harmful radiation but am not entirely sure of the scientific principle at work.
R and I have always been conspicuous weirdos and getting actually married flipped off a lot of haters (declared and undeclared) and afforded us the safety of each others' primacy in the event of disaster. (Think about sorting that shit out if you haven't already, btw.) That's probably what has always outraged us most about the denial of marriage to nonhetero unions; when you're viewed as a threat to the normative, the need to choose your next of kin and secure your material assets in a manner recognised by the State is super fucking real.
Another good thing about marriage is the restraint it imposes on your otherwise fickle, trifling, flip-flopping arse. Sometimes we need sanctions and boundaries. I think it was Paul Newman who admitted the only real reason he and Joanne were still married was that they'd never fallen out of love with one another at the same time, and that is the unvarnished truth, friends. Perversity is always with us and while I wouldn't be without it, strictly speaking, I'm happier when it has to fight with something else to take the wheel. When you're trapped in the hell of a viable, comfortable marriage, you are not physically able to just chuck it all away on one of your retarded whims without perceivable consequence. That piece of paper can save you from your stupid, slutty self a hundred times over and you'll never even think to thank it.
A piece of paper won't change your personal realities, obviously. Marriage is the icing, not the cake, and nowhere near transformational enough to make your bushpig fiancé anything more than your bushpig spouse, plus hangover and carb bloat. But in a positive relationship, from our experience, formalisation can be a forthright and worthwhile reflection of your private love. My objections to it are probably specious and definitely hypocritical. In my time as an adult I've hated virtually everything about myself and life, from time to time and to one extent or another. I've hated existing. I've hated members of my family, the sound of my voice, my own darn face, but I've never hated my marriage- not even close- and that is really, really saying something. While I detest the historical baggage still skidding along the ground behind the institution as it rolls onward, I'll admit to enjoying its morning wood under a feather duvet in the middle of winter. So don't let me put you off. Personally, our continuing commitment to each other in the face of all external aggression, every last one of our personal fuck-ups and shortcomings (and they are legion), is our proudest achievement as adults. Even if it ended next week, nothing would diminish that value.
That shit's always been rainbow-flavoured and if you don't like that, take it up with demonstrable reality and the time-space continuum. I hope everyone choking on the thought of gay marriage can move on to be just as or even more outraged by things that you, know... cause harm. But then I think about the complaisant tone of that sentiment beside all the shit brought down by homophobes and fundies through the years and ask myself why liberals have to be so bloody mature and conciliatory all the time, like we're on probation. We're winning at this game now. So fuck those retrograde shitbags right in the arse. Cue the Jaxx.
I swear that thigh gap is somehow making the world a safer place by absorbing harmful radiation but am not entirely sure of the scientific principle at work.
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