the Blackthorn Orphans
  • B L O G
  • The Blackthorn Orphans: read it onsite
  • The Blackthorn Orphans TRANSLATIONS PAGE
  • Lovely R BLOG
  • PHOTOESSAYS
  • SELECTED RAVINGS: essays & opinion
  • RUBYHUE Lipstick Review
  • blackthorn ROSE REVIEW
  • KITCHEN BITCH: Recipes etc.
  • verse
  • Hostile Witness FILM REVIEW
  • ALOES & SUCCULENTS
  • Blackthorn Perfume Review
  • B I O
  • C O N T A C T

Monday slash Tuesday slash Basic Instinct

5/9/2016

 
Picture
Watched Basic Instinct (R calls it Budget Instinct but still ogles it with me) again last night.  I get this peculiar occasional thirst for it even though I consider it both baffling and theoretically repugnant.  Subjecting oneself to BI for the hundredth fucking time is like eating all three remaining pieces of monster lemon cheesecake, even though you already have the sugar shakes and they would have fit comfortably in the fridge as you well know.  Or going back for that last spot on the hot knives when you're dicing with laughter incontinence and are only semi-aware of the thumbtack buried in your right foot. It's not good.  But you keep doing it.

What is a world without
 Shazza's glassy pissholes in the snow as she toys so mercilessly with her inferiors?  Her titivated funbags in that backless gold lamé? 
Her coven of murderous cock-dodgers, or (last but not least, and be still my heart) Roxy's angry dancing?  I don't want to know, and I'm not really sorry.

What is Basic Instinct, after all this time?  Is it precisely what it superficially seems i.e. a greasy pool of Michael Douglas-scented garbage water, or some sort of slinky postmodern pro-lesbian cleverness artefact?  I'll use the moist towelette of historical context to clear my vision.
Eszterhas doubled down on his dodgy femmeschlock via Sliver and then went full retard with that masterful testament Showgirls.  He also penned fucking Flashdance, so it's safe to say he's had undue influence upon the contemporary limited intellect if nothing else.  I think it boils down to whether this is the best he could actually do, or if he was just dribbling wees on our leg and calling it Scotch mist.
Picture
If allowed to speak for itself, his oeuvre says consistently rapey and developmentally delayed.  But then it gave birth to Catherine Tramell with two Ls.  Watching her pegging a room full of sweaty male gelatine with her nasty-arse intellect, blithely exploiting the superior firepower of peekaboo pussy and making those shitlords drive her home afterwards puts hearts right in my eyes.  And really, the film smacks down the male gaze sniffing so avidly at its knickers with so many references to androgenic deficiency that I wonder how the average gonadal unit could raise a semi in its honour.  Catherine's stabby bitches just do bumps off their coke guy in white swing coats and stirrup pants while not telling us why they did it and not caring if we're mad.     
Picture
But all good things must come to an end, and like so much else upon this accursed plane, Basic Instinct nosedives into a bucket of pre-cummy pandering and outright disappointment.  
Roxy bites the big one trying to mow down her rival which is highly implausible given that she's butch and therefore practically born to drive at speed.  Bicurious Beth is made to apologise for any historic muffdiving before it threatens her access to the correctly male object of her real obsession, and she has the fucking nerve to pout after he actually grants her the heavenly 20 seconds of nonconsensual dicking she so clearly needed.  Ungrateful bitch.  Then Catherine goes and breaks my heart by consoling herself with drunk midlife policeman cock and spray-tanned turkey wattles as dangled by Michael soupy retch Douglas like shaved balls on a sticky afternoon.  All while Roxy is still wiping body fluids off her Cuban heels in that shadowy afterlife reserved for the most presumptuous of lesbians.      

I went to see BI at the cinema when it was released and remember all the public outrage attending it, some of which turned pretty fucking real in the uni bars on friday nights after warring Womens Studies factions got into the $3 rum and cokes.  Lady-loving ladies have many valid points about being coopted by hostile forces.  However, I'm bi- the worst sexual, found the straight characters more objectionable than the queer ones and the rest of it too wretchedly stupid to warrant most of that hot fuss.  Is that my trifling ambidextrous hoo-ha talking or have I just been bewitched by Verhoeven's stupid, slutty, caramel-tinted vision?  

In researching the flick I discovered two related factoids.  A: Sharon Stone supposedly never gave permission to be upskirted in lieu of panties during the interrogation scene, and B: claims she would have kept it in the movie, had she been the director.  Which... confuses me.  Not that I understand the tittering around that infamous alleged reveal anyway since the male hysterics insisting on its flagrance are clearly (and unsurprisingly) confused in regard to feminine anatomy.  These days you're subjected to more unsolicited pudenda whilst minding your own business on the bus into town, whether you bloody like it or not.   

 "You didn't feel anything for him, you just had sex with him for your book?"  

​Ha ha ha!  Next question.



Comments are closed.

    RSS Feed

    Picture

    Independent Creativity
    Hi-Fi Introversion

    ORIGINAL CONTENT
    HONEST REVIEWS
    VELVETEEN VERBIAGE
    VISUAL LUXURY
    MORBID IDLING
    THE NATURAL WORLD
     
    ​photography  
    film
    flora  fauna  culinary
    ethnography  objet
    ​

    modest living
    ​vintage shit

    A U T H O R
    Picture
    K ✂︎ l l y
    congenital delinquent
    Human Durian
    celebrating
    glorious deviation in the land of
     the long white cloud

    -  New Zealand  -


    - T h e   B o o k -

    Picture
    T H E  
    B L A C K T H O R N
    O R P H A N S


    What is freedom, when it is
    all that remains to you?
    In exile two brothers pursue an anarchist's trajectory,  from an old world into the new, from East to West, subject always to the pleasures & horrors of an enduring flesh, to the ironies of karma & impunity. Love bears thorns, the lost return & the dead are haunted by the living. 
    ​

    E P I C   D A R K   F I C T I O N
    *   R E A D   *
    T H E
    B L A C K T H O R N 
    O R P H A N S
     O N S I T E  

    H e r e



    Picture

    Selected
    ​Ravings

    opinion essays observation private regret public 
    exaltation semicoherent speculation 

    Picture

    Photoessay​

    epic undertakings
    documented

    ​
    Picture

    Hostile Witness FilmReview

    Cruel but fair

    Picture

    RubyHue 
    ​
    Lipstick Review

    Lipstick: love it
    ​

    Picture

    Our Photography​

    we've seen worse
    ​

    Picture

    Port Chalmers​

    Dunedin, New Zealand
    ​

    Picture

    Blackthorn ​
    ​Rose Review

    Garden Hoe Wisdom
    Picture

    Verse​

    Loss, love, truth, beauty everything, everything
    ​
    Picture

    The  Lovely R's Blog​

    Likes photography  Knows a bit about it

    Picture

    We Liked This​

    Amazing things from other people
    ​

    Picture

    Cacti, Aloes
    ​&
     
    Flora​

    Our garden & general vegetal splendours
    ​

    Picture

    KitchenBitch

    Home cooking
    & raw ingredients
    ​
    Picture

    Ethnographic​

    Strange wonderful things from elsewhere
    ​

    Picture

    Jewellery
    ​

    Picture

    Tiny Little 
    Dinosaurs
    - a book for children -


    All images & text property of the authors 
    ​
    unless stated

    © us
    & original sources
    All Rights Reserved



    Picture

    Privacy Policy
    ​This is a noncommercial site.
    No ads. No shady data jacks. 
    No interest in your bizniz.

    ​We don't personally view, utilise or sell your data, apart from occasionally checking totally anonymous + super basic site view stats. We don't even know how to monetise that stuff, so don't worry.  Everyone's privacy is important to us.

    Our platform is probably harvesting your data, though, via their cookies. Look at their privacy page so you can see what they're up to.

    Please use Adblock or something similar.
    ​
    Google et al superimpose ads that we never see a penny from so fuck them.

    Picture

    Archives

    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    September 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013


    Picture

    Categories

    All
    A Thing Of Beauty
    Blackthorn Orphans
    Blackthorn Rose Review
    Cacti & Aloes
    Ethnographica
    Flora
    Hostile Witness Film Reviews
    Jewellery
    Kitchen Bitch
    Make Up Review
    Maximum Respect
    Perfume Reviews
    Photo Du Jour
    Photo Essay
    Places & Things: A Blackthorn Review
    Port Chalmers
    Remembering Dreams
    Roses
    Selected Ravings
    Softcore Rendition
    Sweetmeat
    Textiles
    The Lovely R
    Verse
    We Liked This

    Picture
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.