On a brighter note, I just wanted to share something I’ve observed about our dope-smoking habits, in regard to the chronic depression that both I, and to a lesser extent R, tend to suffer. We don’t like to drink or do synthetic stuff, so we get moderately baked about once a week on a fairly regular basis. I was concerned that this might exacerbate my fucked up mental health tendencies but I have to say I haven’t had a serious depressive episode since we began this recreational regime around two years ago.
Which is somewhat mysterious, given that tha chronic + chronic depression hasn’t been the most felicitous equation in the course of my quite extensive empirical observations. Is there an optimal cannabis consumption for depressives, and have we accidentally discovered that personal optimum?
It’s not that smoking dope (indica landrace, usually) is an unalloyed pleasure. I get short bursts of unpredictably dysphoric imaginings in the midst of all that drooling pastel lassitude. But I’ve noticed that they are generally unusually concise versions of my otherwise sprawlingly epic depressive ideations: the loss of intimate companions, mortality, loss of personal control and environmental degradation, to name a few. When I think about it, I’m almost grateful for it turning up in this concentrated form, rather than rolling over me sneakily by tiny increments and gaining too much emotional currency before I know what’s even happening. By confronting and dismissing these leering splinters of subconscious bogey it feels like I am somehow getting the jump on them; maybe I’m picking them off before they get a chance to go systemic.
That’s my current crackpot theory, anyway. Maybe it’s just all those endogenous ligands talking.
I don't know what else kind of crazy shit you'll be getting this week. The heavy RL workload rolls on; holidays round here mean painting the fucking house and getting ready to build another one 😑 I've bought a lampshade for this nonexistant building because priorities. We're calling it The Idlehouse and I've already got the domain lol so it's definitely fucking happening.
Yet another fucking website.