Ha ha! Only half-joking! But in all seriousness, I do think more penises should find their way into a greater selection of mouths and perhaps spend more time there as a general principle. We're all sick of hearing from idle mouths, and an idle penis is the devil's plaything. Buttplug, probably, if christians are to be believed (they aren't).
Or perhaps we should pair this contentious organ with a more contemporary menace and say a bored cock is the devil's iPhone; I feel okay saying that out loud since I don't think Apple and Satan are exactly on the DL anymore. They're out and proud.
Anyway. Do you love that there is a boat called African Quail > as much as we do?
Let's take in a few of the Port scenes we've snapped recently with the wee pocket Canon while I complain to you about rubbish television. We stayed in this All Hallows eve and exposed ourselves to the first series of The Walking Dead, largely because I was tired of hearing about it in absentia.
So after someone shot a kid we didn't care about through a deer we really liked early on in Season 2, we hit the kill switch in a welter of boredom and general irritation.
Maybe it gets better, but the fundamentals were just too fucking annoying. Verdict: The Walking Dead is boring. Visually budget. Repetitive (in a bad way) even within the first series. And heaving with survivors we couldn't give a rat's arse about.
That's another fatal problem with the zombie scenario. It requires us to make the increasingly pointless distinction between the deadened living and the living dead. In a world already stuffed to the gills with grunting, shuffling oxygen thieves, what's the point of a viral apocalypse?
Personally, I could see myself seizing a weapon and going violently collateral five seconds after the first person complained about phone reception. Come on now- what's the first and/or only thing a standard suburban twat would miss? Not their fucking photo albums. In trying to dignify its dishwater survivors (and thereby flatter its audience), The Walking Dead is wilfully stupid and laughably dishonest. I know it's just a zombie yarn but we both know it wants to be taken seriously so yeah- they should have tried harder.
Onsite this week- proooobably something local and scenic. Unless I have a better idea between now and Wednesday. You'll be the first to know.
* I've just noticed that some of the translation links in the onsite Book had dropped out so I've been through and reinstated them all. Please feel free to let me know if you find bung links. I apologise on behalf of the recent updates.*